Time to Grieve

Is taking time to grieve selfish? Is it a form of self-pity?

taking time to grieve

Taking time to grieve

I recently visited an elderly woman in her home, in my community therapy role. So much had been happening in her world. During the weeks since my last visit she had experienced some serious health challenges, and her brother had died.

How could I be surprised that she had not managed to continue with the exercise and walking program we had started?

She was tired, heartbroken and wracked with guilt. She described herself as “full of self-pity” because she was mourning the loss of her dear brother. This had also reminded her of the grief she experienced when her sister died a year previously.

I sat and listened with my Whole Heart.

I was not there to offer solutions, to slap a band-aid over her aching heart, to make light of her feelings. I told her I believed it was good, right and proper to feel such acute loss and to express it. How else do we recover from our deep wounds?

She told me about her family, her ancestors who had migrated to New Zealand from an Eastern European country, just before the time of the Depression. She spoke of a grandfather who worked many menial jobs to provide for his family of seven children. Her parents also worked hard to raise her and her many siblings – a labour of love which she reflected on with great gratitude. She spoke of one of her sisters who had endured many trials and tribulations only to finally triumph – and she now lives overseas. She spoke with love of her own children – their successes and challenges.

In the telling, she called all of her Ancestors into that small lounge. I could feel them standing around her. I told her that I believed that talking about our Loved ones brings them close.

I can recognise the entrenched belief that being occupied fully, being accountable for every minute spent at the expense of any form of pure relaxation, has been ingrained in our psyches. No wonder, then, that this dear soul believed she was “full of self-pity” because her thoughts kept turning to those she loved dearly who were no longer here, in physical form. Because she could not do it for herself, I offered her the gift of my time, so that she could express what her heart was longing to share.

When it was time for me to leave, she hugged me tightly and thanked me for “just listening”. I feel I was the recipient of the greater gift. I heard her heart sing!

Do you feel taking time to grieve is selfish? Do you believe it is a form of self-pity?

I welcome your comments.

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Productive and Efficient Daily Success Plan

Productive and Efficient Daily Success Plan brings Freedom

Productive and Efficient Daily Success Plan brings Freedom

If I utilised a Daily Success Plan for my Freedom Plan Business, my perfect day would be productive and efficient.  Today’s Blog Challenge invites me to describe what I would do, when I would do it and how I would feel once I had completed my daily plan.

Natalie Sisson’s 3 guidelines are a great starting point.

  • Our work space needs to be clear and uncluttered. Ideally, in our own home office area, with no distractions from well-meaning friends or family members who may not realise we are actually working!
  • Then, we need to set the 3 most important actions for the day.
  • We work most efficiently when we have a deadline, so the Pomodoro Method (working in 25 minute intervals) is a very effective method to keep on track and working to the assigned task – no distractions!

My home study is peaceful, and I aim to keep the tiny desk free of clutter. To do so, and to remain productive and efficient, I need to keep papers to a minimum.  One of my daily success plan tasks is to pay bills as they come in, and file the paperwork immediately.  I do admit to having piles of ‘things to do’ that I am working on…. Writing and filing notes from meetings I attend, keeping my Professional Development folder current etc.

I receive a fair amount of correspondence via email, concerning initiatives I am involved in. I don’t always answer each on the day I receive them as some require contemplation before response.

I am pondering how to advance my business, and have been consulting with coaches and participating in online courses / workshops – like this blogging challenge!

I can easily list 3 of my top current important actions for my daily success plan:

  1. Work on revising my website and eBook
  2. Write my blog
  3. Pay any due invoices, correspondence, filing

I would focus on the first one early in the morning, before my ‘other work’, and then complete the rest in the evening ‘after hours’. To hold myself accountable, I could tick off the activities in my diary, or I could go so far as to draw up a planner to keep track of the activities.

I already feel energised and enthusiastic, having used the Pomodoro timing segmsnts

to write this blog. This has been a most productive and efficient use of my Saturday morning,

How do you hold yourself accountable – I would love you to share!

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